She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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