I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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