I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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