Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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