who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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