Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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