clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
