He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just google imaged poop.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
