and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
