if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
