I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You ruined the universe
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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