He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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