Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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