you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
