I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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