The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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