Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
