Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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