I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
