NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
