I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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