Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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