after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
