So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
