GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I intend to get homeless drunk
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
