Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
