This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
