i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
