i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
