I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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