i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
