rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
