She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
