Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
