The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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