The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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