I got chris browned last night
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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