are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
