Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
