This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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