DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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