Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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