i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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