yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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