Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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