I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
