i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
