For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
