I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
