I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
