I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
