I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
