everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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